I just found out today from the Brasil consulate here in Buenos Aires that can't let me in either. Since the DC embassy won't let me in, none of them will let me in. Chasing after Brasil is starting to get old. If you know anybody who can get me a job in Brazil and a work visa, let me know. The tourist visa isn't going to happen and the volunteer visa doesn't look promising either. Beto sorry I couldn't meet up with you in Brazil. I think you're doing awesome things there in Piratininga and wish I could be a part of it. Hope all goes well with the fundraising for a new base.
A few people suggest that God is teaching me patience. I doubt it. I've already accepted God can do whatever He wants whenever He wants with whomever He wants. I'm not special. I'm just like every other schmuck on this planet waiting to arrive at the promised land trying to figure what God wants me to do in the meantime. I don't think God is trying to Job me either. I'm not qualified to be tested like Job. I have no grounds for claiming self-righteousness. I need Jesus righteousness and mercy just as badly as any other sinner. He's not punishing me for some sin either. I've already repented of everything I could think of.
Maybe this year simply was about building relationships with YWAMers in Orlando and Richmond and Buenos Aires. Maybe it was just about experiencing daily Christian community and confirming that's where I really feel at home. Maybe it was about showing missionaries how to use the Internet. Maybe I should have talked to the veteran YWAMers before I talked to the Brazilian embassy.
Is this where I am supposed to throw up my hands and chuckle, "This is as good as it gets." "Get happy with a second-hand experience of God" Be content that miracles and prophecy and profound love are just something you read about in the Bible and hear about from friends who had it happen to them, with only a brief first-person glance. Be content with another year not feeling like God will give me permission to take initiative on anything. Be content with another year of pseudo-dating relationships with Christian girls. Be content with another year of mediocre spiritual growth, where you're growing so slow you might even be regressing. Is this when I am supposed to seek the face of God and feel how unholy I am and fall on the floor weeping and sobbing with repentence? ... Been there. Done that-Charlotte, North Carolina.... Next. Is this where I am supposed to stop trying to do things for God and just "be" with Him, crawl into the lap of the Heavenly Daddy and seek His face. I've tried that too several times this past couple of months. I either fell asleep, got bored, or started daydreaming about sex. That whole "stop doing and just be" mantra just doesn't work for me.
Whatever happened to good old-fashioned work with Heavenly Daddy on a cool project. What happened to the whole get up on Saturday morning head out to the hardware store and think of something to build. I'm tired of having a relationship with God that's just a bunch of talk aka "prayer". When are we going to have a relationship of action? When is God going to give me a clear sense on what to take initiative?
Well enough pissing and moaning... here's what I am thankful for:
I really have enjoyed getting reacquainted with old friends like Chris Henley. Hanging out with the Araujo's has been a blast. God thank you for all the YWAMer's I have met this past year. God thank you for the intense summer in Orlando and that meeting with the Holy Spirit in Charlotte. Thank you for the little dreams to give me direction and the kindness and support of my friends in Northern VA and Richmond. Thank you for a family that supports me even if they don't get what I'm doing. Thank you for the chance to get to know my Dad's side of the family. God thank you for setting me free from the boring world of government software development. God thank you helping all those missionaries take hold of the Internet and communicate with their supporters more effectively. God I recognize that there is probably no better way to leverage what I know than to share it with YWAMers who by design will be touching so many lives for your Kingdom. I'm sorry for the times I have yawned at that opportunity. God thank you for landing me at this cool base in Buenos Aires. I don't know if I'll be around long enough to help out with the documentaries and community development but I pray you bless what they are doing here. Thank you for the times of communal intercession and prayer walks through Richmond. Thank you for Josh's and JP's hospitality.
A few people suggest that God is teaching me patience. I doubt it. I've already accepted God can do whatever He wants whenever He wants with whomever He wants. I'm not special. I'm just like every other schmuck on this planet waiting to arrive at the promised land trying to figure what God wants me to do in the meantime. I don't think God is trying to Job me either. I'm not qualified to be tested like Job. I have no grounds for claiming self-righteousness. I need Jesus righteousness and mercy just as badly as any other sinner. He's not punishing me for some sin either. I've already repented of everything I could think of.
Maybe this year simply was about building relationships with YWAMers in Orlando and Richmond and Buenos Aires. Maybe it was just about experiencing daily Christian community and confirming that's where I really feel at home. Maybe it was about showing missionaries how to use the Internet. Maybe I should have talked to the veteran YWAMers before I talked to the Brazilian embassy.
Is this where I am supposed to throw up my hands and chuckle, "This is as good as it gets." "Get happy with a second-hand experience of God" Be content that miracles and prophecy and profound love are just something you read about in the Bible and hear about from friends who had it happen to them, with only a brief first-person glance. Be content with another year not feeling like God will give me permission to take initiative on anything. Be content with another year of pseudo-dating relationships with Christian girls. Be content with another year of mediocre spiritual growth, where you're growing so slow you might even be regressing. Is this when I am supposed to seek the face of God and feel how unholy I am and fall on the floor weeping and sobbing with repentence? ... Been there. Done that-Charlotte, North Carolina.... Next. Is this where I am supposed to stop trying to do things for God and just "be" with Him, crawl into the lap of the Heavenly Daddy and seek His face. I've tried that too several times this past couple of months. I either fell asleep, got bored, or started daydreaming about sex. That whole "stop doing and just be" mantra just doesn't work for me.
Whatever happened to good old-fashioned work with Heavenly Daddy on a cool project. What happened to the whole get up on Saturday morning head out to the hardware store and think of something to build. I'm tired of having a relationship with God that's just a bunch of talk aka "prayer". When are we going to have a relationship of action? When is God going to give me a clear sense on what to take initiative?
Well enough pissing and moaning... here's what I am thankful for:
I really have enjoyed getting reacquainted with old friends like Chris Henley. Hanging out with the Araujo's has been a blast. God thank you for all the YWAMer's I have met this past year. God thank you for the intense summer in Orlando and that meeting with the Holy Spirit in Charlotte. Thank you for the little dreams to give me direction and the kindness and support of my friends in Northern VA and Richmond. Thank you for a family that supports me even if they don't get what I'm doing. Thank you for the chance to get to know my Dad's side of the family. God thank you for setting me free from the boring world of government software development. God thank you helping all those missionaries take hold of the Internet and communicate with their supporters more effectively. God I recognize that there is probably no better way to leverage what I know than to share it with YWAMers who by design will be touching so many lives for your Kingdom. I'm sorry for the times I have yawned at that opportunity. God thank you for landing me at this cool base in Buenos Aires. I don't know if I'll be around long enough to help out with the documentaries and community development but I pray you bless what they are doing here. Thank you for the times of communal intercession and prayer walks through Richmond. Thank you for Josh's and JP's hospitality.
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