Skip to main content

Shedding My Old Paradigm of God

Hello Peeps, I miss my old paradigm.  Let me explain.  All throughout my high school years I thought of God as an abstract force pervading the universe somehow tightly coupled with the dynamic of love.  I assumed from the beginning of my spiritual journey that it was all about becoming attuned to this universal force of love.  I pursued Jesus like he was the Zen master of Love and that I could become more skillful at using this power called God.  I wanted to be a Jesus Jedi.  My paradigm is shifting now though.  It kinda sucks but I know it's for the better.  This last week I spent learning about the Holy Spirit and learning to obey the voice of the Holy Spirit and accepting His presence in our souls.  God is not an abstract force that we learn to use like in Star Wars.  He's a person with feelings and perfect wisdom and insight, He's not looking for us to excel in the ways of his force.  He's looking for us to obey His voice.  It's really kinda scary.  Surrendering my life to the input of the Holy Spirit requires a lot of trust, trusting God to instruct you to do things that you want to do and trusting yourself to hear Him correctly.   Christianity was so much easier when all I knew about was that I was supposed to act like Jesus.  This whole personal relationship with God thing is kinda weird.  I don't want to give God license to change my plans or prompt me to do something whenever, by merely putting a thought in my head that sounds like it's from Him.  Answering the phone or the door is annoying enough when I'm concentrated on one of my goals.  And Holy Spirit doesn't even need a phone, or a doorbell.  He can just drop a thought into my head whenever He feels like it!  Developing Jesus skills feels so much more .... relaxing, more acheivable, more like my old paradigm where you're just exercising spiritual muscles and getting stronger at loving others.  What's it going to be like every time a Bible-compatible thought comes into my head that I have to seek out/feel out if it's from the Holy Spirit?  It doesn't sound like fun.

But...

the gut wrenching irony is that this is actually an answer to prayer.  I wanted for a long time to move from a textbook faith to a personal relationship with God in real-time. Now I'm getting closer to it and it scares the crap out of me.  So in conclusion,  Pray for me.  I'm not looking forward to this new level, totally two-way, not-just-when-I-want-to-hear-from-God level of communication but I know it's supposed to happen.  I know I'll eventually get over it and eventually have appreciation.  Pray.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MacBook Pro (Retina, 15-inch, Mid 2014)

https://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/sys/d/macbook-pro-retina-15-inch/6450805952.html Serial  Number C02NKHT4G3QC Display Retina display: 15.4-inch (diagonal) LED-backlit display with IPS technology; 2880-by-1800 resolution at 220 pixels per inch with support for millions of colors Native resolution: 2880 by 1800 pixels (Retina); scaled resolutions: 1920 by 1200, 1680 by 1050, 1280 by 800, and 1024 by 640 pixels Processor 2.2GHz 2.2GHz quad-core Intel Core i7 processor (Turbo Boost up to 3.4GHz) with 6MB shared L3 cache Configurable to 2.5GHz quad-core Intel Core i7 (Turbo Boost up to 3.7GHz) with 6MB shared L3 cache or 2.8GHz quad-core Intel Core i7 (Turbo Boost up to 4.0GHz) with 6MB shared L3 cache. 2.5GHz 2.5GHz quad-core Intel Core i7 processor (Turbo Boost up to 3.7GHz) with 6MB shared L3 cache Configurable to 2.8GHz quad-core Intel Core i7 (Turbo Boost up to 4.0GHz) with 6MB shared L3 cache. Memory 16GB of 1600MHz DDR3L onboard m...
Post a Comment
Read more

Merry Christmas! Grandma is gonna love this....

As I wait semi-patiently for my visa to Brazil, watching myself slip into mediocrity once again, I decided to fast from movies, tv, and junk food until Christmas. It was a huge step in the right direction otherwise life was going to end up like this: I've been keeping myself busy with developing http://www.ywamva.org . Everything about their site looks the same as before but everything is now managed with blogger.com like my website. Stupid paypal donation button still isn't working, though. sigh.... I've also been doing some last minute video editing for them. I might upload it to Google Video, but I have to warn you, it's a 14 minute long inside joke mocking YWAM staff. I've concluded that acting is still more fun than editing films mainly because I'm not a walking database of catchy songs like most of my peers are. This whole fasting from media and jund food has mandated lots of creative alternatives for these cold dark nights.... like play with the new dog A...
Post a Comment
Read more